3 minute read time
This post starts 20+ years ago in university and also 2 weeks ago in therapy.
(Is this going to be my new thing? Talk about something in therapy, then make a zine about it? I mean, I’ve done dumber things for art…)
In university I was really struggling with not only making new friends, but staying connected with the friends I’d made in grade school. I saw people around me “doing friendships” and I didn’t get it. I felt like I was missing a key ingredient or equation that alowed everyone else to increase their friend group and build meaningful relationships.
Not only did I not “get it”, I would forget that “it” existed for a few weeks, and then have to start from scratch again.
Fast forward 22 years and I still don’t get it.
But I now have all those years of memories of feeling left out, feeling like I didn’t belong. There were blips of friendship-building (and I cherish those folks even though we have now lost touch), but overall I feel overwhelmed with awareness of the holes I thought friendships would fill.
Enter therapy.
Ha!
(But seriously, therapy is great for lots of things and I wish more folks could equitably access it…but that’s a different post).
At my last therapy session I talked about my community building and how a few events and conversations recently had got me thinking about it in a different way.
We chatted about:
- friendships vs. community
- these days, people are satisfied with a lot less
- people aren’t taught how to make friends
And she recommended I make a list of what I want in a friendship.
So I did…and I turned it into a zine.
TOP 10 THINGS I WANT IN A FRIENDSHIP
- Call me, and come over
- Go on adventures together (to the mountains or downtown on the bus)
3. Bounce big ideas off of each other
4. Believe in each other – we can do hard things!
5. Hugs…I guess (I need and appreciate practice with platonic intimacy)
6. Love and appreciate my big (neurodiverse) energy
7. Similar in their diversity (+ shared pieces of our identity)
8. Shared values (self-growth, justice, liberation…)
9. Lives close by — not just in Edmonton, I would love more friends who lived in my neighbourhood
10. They’re a “do-er” — they have goals and want to work hard (together) to achieve them
We finished the therapy session with two great points that I have been meditating on.
- I want high quality friendships and I don’t mind waiting
- What can I compromise on if my list creates a unicorn?
Maybe there is another zine in my future with the answer to that question.
WHAT IS A ZINE?
A zine is a self-published, DIY book. It can be on any topic you desire, and is often used my folks who have been shut out of traditional media (books, magazines, etc.) to spread their message.
You need minimal supplies to build a zine. In fact, that is kind of the point! Ease of access and reproduction is a bit part of zine culture.
This zine has a few repeating elements that you may have noticed:
- emoji stickers
- blue, black, purple
- magazine collages
- cut out words
- doodle frames
The foundation is two sheet of 8.5×11 white printer paper. Tools used were scissors, glue stick, and coloured markers.
I will not be reproducing this perzine (personal zine) to share in analog format, but I hope you enjoy reading it here!
FURTHER READING
If you liked the part about slowwwwlllllyyyyy building connections, you might like this post: Who Do You Need To Meet?
I wrote more about some recent “a-ha” moments related to friendships and community building in this post: Dreaming of Community
Not Ladylike Community 